Hillary’s Day Off

Hillary Clinton
Pic of Hillary telling Donald to delete his account

With the election tomorrow, I wanted to take a look at what I think Hillary would be doing right now, if she had the night off and if she wasn’t about to hold a rally in North Carolina.

Reminder that this is a FICTIONAL story I created out of a random idea I had. I mean no disrespect to anyone (except Donald Trump because he disrespects me everytime he opens his mouth) and this is all for fun.



The eve of election night–of any election–was always her first day of relaxation, the end of the relentless campaigning. It might be her only day of relaxation. When the American People vote tomorrow, she is content knowing there is not much more she can do but sip on her vodka martini and watch the results come in.

God, she wants to be president. With every beat of her heart, she deserves the presidency; she deserves to own the West Wing and send Bill to the East Wing to do God knows what. She will stop being the Henry Clay of this era and start being the Andrew Jackson she believes herself to be.

No matter what happens tomorrow, she will without a doubt be happy to no longer have to deal with that man-child. She almost wishes she had gotten to this point duking it out with an actual opponent, but she knows not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Hillary sighs, and takes off her glasses, setting them down and texting her driver on her blackberry, asking him to take her to the New York Public Library. She had asked if someone would stay late to help her retrieve a book or two; she might finally have time on her hands, for once.


Once at the library, she goes through the back, up the stairs, and is met by one of the head librarians.

“Thank you for staying late tonight, I just wasn’t sure when I would have time,” she said as she wanders toward the Fiction section, noticing it had moved since the last time she was there, as had some of the shelves in the children’s section.

She searched the building for a few of the books she had in mind, and returned to the front desk. There sat the man whom had let her in, ready to scan her books. Hillary gave him a piercing stare, daring him to ask her for her library membership card to scan.

She handed him an ancient card that had been stamped many times and was left with few spots open. He looked at her in confusion, then hastily wrote down the dates and titles of the two books and one DVD on the card. The dates ranged from 1986 to 2013, not including the most recent dates.

Hillary takes her Library borrower’s ticket she has had since she was in her 30s and walks away, her items of choice tucked under her arm. She walks to her car, gets in, and heads back.


After Sixteen Candles and a full bag of popcorn, Hillary gets in her bed, wearing her night pantsuit and most comfortable jewelry, and opens her book. She doesn’t yet have the supplies for Knitting for Beginners so she choose to read the other book for now. It was one she heard women across America loved, and had even been made into a movie.

“I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror. Damn my hair—it just won’t behave, and damn Katherine Kavanagh for being ill and subjecting me to this ordeal.”

Wow, Hillary thought, this E.L. James person really knows what hardships women go through. She just couldn’t wait to see how Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey were going to get along.


Please tell me you enjoyed this! If you didn’t you don’t have to tell me. For your further enjoyment, Hillary Memes:



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