Hillary’s Day Off

Hillary Clinton
Pic of Hillary telling Donald to delete his account

With the election tomorrow, I wanted to take a look at what I think Hillary would be doing right now, if she had the night off and if she wasn’t about to hold a rally in North Carolina.

Reminder that this is a FICTIONAL story I created out of a random idea I had. I mean no disrespect to anyone (except Donald Trump because he disrespects me everytime he opens his mouth) and this is all for fun.



The eve of election night–of any election–was always her first day of relaxation, the end of the relentless campaigning. It might be her only day of relaxation. When the American People vote tomorrow, she is content knowing there is not much more she can do but sip on her vodka martini and watch the results come in.

God, she wants to be president. With every beat of her heart, she deserves the presidency; she deserves to own the West Wing and send Bill to the East Wing to do God knows what. She will stop being the Henry Clay of this era and start being the Andrew Jackson she believes herself to be.

No matter what happens tomorrow, she will without a doubt be happy to no longer have to deal with that man-child. She almost wishes she had gotten to this point duking it out with an actual opponent, but she knows not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Hillary sighs, and takes off her glasses, setting them down and texting her driver on her blackberry, asking him to take her to the New York Public Library. She had asked if someone would stay late to help her retrieve a book or two; she might finally have time on her hands, for once.


Once at the library, she goes through the back, up the stairs, and is met by one of the head librarians.

“Thank you for staying late tonight, I just wasn’t sure when I would have time,” she said as she wanders toward the Fiction section, noticing it had moved since the last time she was there, as had some of the shelves in the children’s section.

She searched the building for a few of the books she had in mind, and returned to the front desk. There sat the man whom had let her in, ready to scan her books. Hillary gave him a piercing stare, daring him to ask her for her library membership card to scan.

She handed him an ancient card that had been stamped many times and was left with few spots open. He looked at her in confusion, then hastily wrote down the dates and titles of the two books and one DVD on the card. The dates ranged from 1986 to 2013, not including the most recent dates.

Hillary takes her Library borrower’s ticket she has had since she was in her 30s and walks away, her items of choice tucked under her arm. She walks to her car, gets in, and heads back.


After Sixteen Candles and a full bag of popcorn, Hillary gets in her bed, wearing her night pantsuit and most comfortable jewelry, and opens her book. She doesn’t yet have the supplies for Knitting for Beginners so she choose to read the other book for now. It was one she heard women across America loved, and had even been made into a movie.

“I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror. Damn my hair—it just won’t behave, and damn Katherine Kavanagh for being ill and subjecting me to this ordeal.”

Wow, Hillary thought, this E.L. James person really knows what hardships women go through. She just couldn’t wait to see how Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey were going to get along.


Please tell me you enjoyed this! If you didn’t you don’t have to tell me. For your further enjoyment, Hillary Memes:



Orlando and Solidarity 

Like many in the world, I am shocked and saddened by the massacre in Orlando yesterday. The world should not stand by, watching idly as an NRA controlled Congress debates and then shelves the argument until the next mass shooting. The citizens of the United States should no longer tolerate any hate speech, especially when directed to people of color or to members of the LGBTQ+ community. ANY hate speech, even one indicates indifference toward either of these communities, needs to immediately be stopped and immediately corrected.

A comment of indifference may sound like this: “I don’t care what those people do, as long as I don’t see it.” This is one of the worst things someone can say or let pass. Speech like this tells every bigot that they are not the freaks, the people they hate are the freaks. Microaggressions, something as small as “remaining neutral” sends a message.

In the cause for LGBTQ rights, you are either with us or against us. This issue is black and white, even if our flag isn’t
Is there a neutral for LGBTQ people, when the media represents only the white straights? With this, not talking about sexuality may confuse those who cannot understand what they are feeling. Bisexual people, like me, might not understand they are attracted to the same gender because people have said bisexual people are just gay men or women who are afraid to come out completely. I, myself, did not even consider that I might be bisexual until I learned about the Kinsey scale in AP Psychology. I just thought everyone liked to look at boobs and my desire to be with girls was just a desire to be close friends.

I am choosing now to come out publicly as bisexual is in solidarity with the victims of Orlando and because I want anyone who reads this to recognize it is not something to be ashamed of. I do realize there are many stereotypes floating through your head now. Cutting my hair short did not make me this way, and I am not more likely to cheat on my partner. I am not more promiscuous than a straight person. Honestly, the reason I waited so long to come out was because I’d never been in a real relationship with a girl before; but I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone!

To anyone who is contemplating if they are a part of the LGBTQ community: the fact you are unsure if you are straight or cis is likely an indicator. Coming out to yourself is the hardest part. Once you do that, that is all that matters; there is no reason to prove your sexuality to anyone else but yourself.

If you ask me what I identify with, I will likely say I am queer. Always have been, recently realized. I stand with the victims in Orlando and will do everything in my power to work for better gun control and LGBTQ rights so tragedies like this do not happen.

please remember this is an opinion and this does not represent the sentament of the entire LGBTQ+ community

United States of America- Kendrick Lamar

United States of America- Kendrick Lamar

MMH in case anyone forgot that I love Kendrick

Sounds From Around the World


Kendrick Lamar was born Kendrick Lamar Duckworth on June 17, 1987 in Compton, California. Kendrick’s mother named him after Eddie Kendricks. Although he grew up in Compton, his parents were from Chicago, Illinois. He was a straight A student while attending Centennial High School.


In 1995 Kendricks idols Tupac Shakur and Dr. Dre filmed the video for “California Love”, which would have a great impact on Kendrick musically. When selecting his top 5 rappers Kendrick named Tupac, Biggie, Jay Z, Nas, and Eminem. Tupac influenced Kendrick the most of all rappers he admired. Not only did Tupac influence Kendrick musically, but also influenced his daily lifestyle. You can see this influence in the lyrical content Kendrick Lamar is known for. Kendrick also gave credit to Detroit-based rapper Eminem for his aggression on records. Other musical influences Kendrick named were DMX, Ice Cube, Kurupt, Snoop, Mobb Deep, and Prodigy.


In 2003…

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Put on Your Tin Hats, Aliens Are Here

The following is an excerpt from a paper I turned in to my English 105 professor. He seemed pleased, I think.

You pass an alien every day, as casual as you please, oblivious to their disguise. It is true, reader; aliens are among us. They study us, watch us, and kill us. The government can only do so much to appease the mob of aliens, can only do so much to cover up their existence, and can only incarcerate the few that cannot be allowed to roam any longer. Area 51 is clearly a jail for such a creature, despite governmental claims of “aircraft test fields” and “innocent nuclear tests,” and we can see the truth behind the lies. Aliens reside on the earth, the government is covering up their existence, and a larger conspiracy concerning the origins of humans themselves is brewing beneath it all.

hey lil mama let me invade your planet

Something is keeping (or attempting to keep) the wool over our eyes. No longer can I stand by and watch citizens trust a neighbor, a superior, or even the government! It must end now, starting here. I’m serving truth up fresh from this point on.

Plain and simple, extraterrestrials have been visiting our planet since the dawn of man. It has not gone unnoticed, despite what some may say. There have been cover ups upon cover ups, but still, those who know the signs can see what slips through the cracks. When a true believer takes findings public, they often become the laughing village jester for the day, month, year, or lifetime. When rational people dismiss cold hard facts, simply unable to believe, that is a sure sign of governmental influence. There are many motives for the government to cover this up. However, only a few are pertinent enough to our study to be worth mentioning.

The government has to save face. If the general public were ever to believe that the man in the oval office has been sanctioning abductions or even encouraging them, the people would lose faith in the head of state, and a mob would likely call for his head to be placed on a plate. Not only that, the aliens might be applying pressure to our dear congressmen, making them abuse the tax purse. Money out of our own pockets is being used not to protect us—quite the opposite, in fact. These aliens could possibly be demanding human test subjects and equipment that the government supplies out of fear.  There might be some attempt to exchange technology for resources, even if said resources require human skin and bones.

To keep truth seekers at bay, the government often commissions work to be done and published to disprove any evidence of aliens. Ha! As if fourteen or twenty studies held by multiple different organizations will sway us from the truth. Still, this skepticism is a strong ally to keep any space invader under wraps. The “lack of evidence,” as some may call it, is hardly grounds for dismissal. The government is the very reason there are so little “undeniable” facts, with the mysterious bases and suspicious radio frequencies, all wrapped up tightly behind barbed wire. The closed off vibes these military operations secrete only confirms that there is nothing good going on behind those scary machine guns. Brute force is not enough to deter the more dedicated logician, so a devious type of psychological warfare is deployed on she who sticks her nose where it does not belong— doubt. Surrounding our beloved truth seeker are those who deny her beliefs and wish to make her shut up.


LOL I just had a lot of fun with this, and it definitely helped me cultivate my voice. This is about 1 1/2 of the 6 page paper.

Numbers Count

Numbers Count

I am obsessed with numbers. Not in a smart or beneficial way, as you may expect from a good little engineer, but in a destructive and demeaning way. I am like the Hillary Clinton of social media. I follow trends that are popular and will garner attention, even if it isn’t always what I care about. When I post an Insta pic, I tend to only do it in the early morning or late evening; that is when the picture is likely to get the most traffic from my followers. I keep tweets in my draft folder for weeks-unless it is about a breaking event- and often edit them two or three times before sending them out into the world of my followers

Tweets I generally send out at any time the sun is up, and lately I’ve been trying to tweet mostly pictures with some witty caption. If I am about to fall asleep, but then think of some crazy saying, I will rip myself away from my blankets and pillows, fumble around for my phone, and type it out as quick as I can. The only time I allow myself to post something unfunny is generally when a national tragedy has happened or an upsetting policy (probably cooked up by some Republican) hits the newsstands. I censor myself, and delete evidence of when others did not respond as enthusiastically as I anticipated.

lol I won’t tweet that bc people only like to be entertained or informed… no room for introspection in 140 character or less 

This is not okay. I am leaving some of my happiness up to the opinions of other, and dependent on a number. Leaving it up to a number is especially dangerous because there is going to come a day that I hit my peak, and that I will never reach again. I shouldn’t expect continuous growth forever, but when it comes to numbers, it is an extremely easy trap to fall in.

This is probably where old people chime in and say “This is how social media is ruining the younger generation!” Woah, there, Bob Barker, that price is not right. Who is creating and pushing all the standardized tests to public schools? The government, which, unfortunately, is still mostly run by crusty old white guys. The people obsessed with test scores are likely not the same people who know what Instagram has the most likes (mine is from when I was homecoming queen; followers like ‘life events’ like that), but the people who run universities and are hiring college kids.

as if this geezer has a twitter (Image by Jennifer Weber LOL)

My ACT score does not define me and I really hope my GPA doesn’t define me-I definitely wasn’t a better person in high school than I am in college-but it certainly feels like it living in the middle of a college campus with finals coming up. I try and remind myself of this as I stay up until three or four in the morning, knowing I have to wake up before 8 am, and it does little to soothe me. I’ll take a distraction over crippling anxiety, thank you very much!

Honestly, keeping my social media aesthetic can be a bit of a burden sometimes, but it is much better than constantly checking my test scores and never leaving the library to get a ‘perfect’ number that probably won’t matter once I am a job or two into my career. I will probably stay obsessed with numbers, but take a grain of salt every time I think about deleting a tweet that only my two best friends favorited. The validation I feel when I receive a retweet or a handful of favorites is sick and fickle, but it does comfort me in times of stress. There are some tweets I keep, even if they receive little attention, because everyone has some pride, but most that are unpopular I am likely to delete. At least now I am up front about it and more introspective about it.

The Professional War Against Red Lipstick

Over the weekend, my parents and I had a small argument about red lipstick and its place in the workplace. I had taken a picture that I thought looked very professional because I was going to make a linked in. When my dad saw it, he told me I could not put that as my profile picture. I was hurt and angry, but I could not for the life of me figure out why. I ended up taking an equally good picture (I did end up wearing red lipstick, but only a light layer on my lips) and put that up instead

red lipstick
Look! This is professional! I’m wearing the chuncky necklace and even smiling!

After I finished taking care of my profile, I started to work through why I was upset. I didn’t even have to talk it out, the answer was so obvious. AP Psychology told me I was caught in a classic case of cognitive dissonance; I was being told one thing when I believed the complete opposite was true. I see commercials and movies of successful women wearing red lipstick effortlessly and Taylor Swift, the sitting queen of pop culture, has probably twenty shades of the stuff in her purse at all times.

I’m seeing all these women get ahead while wearing red lipstick, only to be told that I am wrong, that red lipstick is to be saved for going out with friends or on a date. This upsets me, because red lipstick has always been a sign of a confident woman. A woman who can be bold, who can be herself. It is one thing to say no jeans in the office and whole other thing to say no red lipstick. For generations, all the way back to the world wars, red lipstick has been a symbol of pride in country, in work, and, most importantly, female empowerment.

Ah. Hopefully you see where I am going with this. Red lipstick is a symbol of female power. Red lipstick has no place in a professional environment. Knowing what I know about the work place and women working in general, it isn’t too great of a leap to say that female power has no place in a professional environment. A sad yet unsurprising conclusion. Coco Chanel, it seems, can popularize it, Taylor Swift can endorse it, yet I still cannot wear it.

Can we do it if I let people police something as basic as lip color?

When I conceded against my parents, I felt like I had betrayed the values I had held myself to my whole life. If I let that one small argument be won, what else would I allow myself to concede to? I want to say it was just this once, that my parents know best. But still I worry that when I sat for the picture with muted lips not only did I have a softer shade on my lips but also a meeker spirit in my heart.

The Power of Passion

I am absolutely enamored by To Pimp a Butterfly by Kendrick Lamar. This album is amazing in a way that I had never experienced before in music, in any genre. Not only was it a perfect pump up album, it carries artistic weight of the current events plaguing the nation.

To be frank, if someone told me two or three years ago that my favorite artist would be Kanye West and Kendrick Lamar, I might have actually asked “Who?” (not about Kanye. Kanye managed to infiltrate even the boulder I lived under). I am astonished at how flippantly I dismissed rap. The thing that changed was I started listening to Kanye, to Drake. The two names I considered household I decided to start with. Yeezy immediately caught my attention with both Yeezus and Watch the Throne. Like TPAB, Kanye has a certain energy behind all his music unlike anything I had ever heard. It probably also helps that Kanye is a genius and his samples are incredible.

The fire that seemed to inhabit Kanye’s blood evoked a strong love of the genre and a need for more. With the Grammy’s quickly approaching and Kendrick performing there, I decided to finish all of To Pimp a Butterfly. It was amazing.

Footage of me listening to all of TPAB.

TPAB is emotionally charged, dripping passion from every syllable, a pounding beat on every track. In short, if you haven’t listened to it, stop reading immediately, listen to it in order, and then come back. Did you finish it? Didn’t I tell you how rhythmic it was? Every track was different but incorporated some sort of funk or pop in a way that has me and my two left feet trying to dance, failing miserably, and then just swaying. The beat and lyrics stay with me, running through my head the whole day. I am honest to god obsessed with Kendrick and TPAB.

The passion that goes into making any type of art must be enormous, but the passion in rap is unfiltered, raw, when Kendrick and Kanye produce. They have pride in their work, pride in their hometown, and pride in their success. Do I think they are cocky or smug? No. Maybe. Kanye, I know, can be smug and does love himself very much, but both Kanye and Kendrick have earned their right to be smug. The haters will never see a wink of the level of success these two have.

I think the passion that drives them is what makes them great, is what makes them the kings of the trade. The art does not make the artist; rather, the artist must create the art using only what is within them. They may be influenced by previous artists, may be inspired by them, but any true artist must create rather than just copy.

Both Kanye and Kendrick keep everything they do new, everything they do creative, and they spearhead their efforts with more passion than I have ever had in my life. I wish I could take my obsession and put it to good use, turn it into a productive passion as they have. I might not be able to accomplish on the level as they have, but I sure would like to give it a try in whatever I do.

tlop nd tpab
Cover art of Kanye’s The Life of Pablo and Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly. Image was made by me in MS Paint. Sorry to brag.

“King Kunta” is my favorite song. Share an artist you love and I’ll be sure to look them up!

My Civic Duty is to Share this

I might be best friends with you, whoever is reading this blog right now, or I might be a complete stranger to you. Still, whether I know you or not, I feel obligated to share this amazing video with anyone I can possibly get it to. It is life changing, hysterical and a true reflection of a 90s child who learned how to video edit.

Here is this miraculous video


I am always looking for funny videos, but I think this takes the cake over anything ever created


Have a funny video you’d like to share? Please comment a link to it!

Goodbye calc, hello Saturday Night

77I need to be honest right now. Confession time. I just did absolutely horribly on my last calculus test. Normally, I would say it was just this week, that next week I would bounce back. The thing is, though, I am not bouncing back. So I’ve decided to make a bold move and change careers. No more am I going to deal with fake mathematic equations and annoying mole conversions, no sir. I am going to drop out and become a player on SNL

Listen. I know what you haters are saying right now: “You’re not funny” “Who will you do impressions of?” “How will you pay for rent?” which my response to those in order is as follows: 1) get da heck outta here 2) anyone with short hair (bonus points if it’s a preteen pop star) and  3) I’ll live in the vents of the studio for free.

I am taking to heart the expression “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry” I will make no plans, and therefore be fine. I will have no plans to screw up, so there will be no complications. That’s just how physics works. I don’t make the rules.

A lot of the players have been on for a while, anyways. Their time is up. Move over, it’s time for a new, younger, brighter star! I am here to make people laugh, make people jealous and to make out with Pete Davidson. He deleted his twitter so I’ve been trying to contact him via commenting on his Instagram pictures. For some reason, he hasn’t been responding. Regardless, I’m going to get the job, get the guy, and win at life. I’m a millennial, is that not how things work around here in the good old U.S. of A.?

If you are reading this right now and laughing at the improbability of it all, keep laughing. I’ll be laughing when I rule late night comedy, have Michael Che’s phone number, and Instagram pictures of Kate McKinnon. Sure, I might literally have to eat rats to survive, but at least I’ll be making fun of college kids doing calculus instead of being the college kid being made fun of. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.

Alright, back to your regularly scheduled program. Wishful thinking time is over, and I have to go back to memorizing inverse trig functions.

Have a day dream you long for when your daily life just isn’t doing it for you? Please share. 

Stress is a constant state of existance

Stress is located in between my eyebrows, about half an inch back in my skull. It really happens when my forehead is creased for a long period of time, so especially  when I am confused. Of course, this happens frequently during college when exams are back to back or I have a paper due soon.

I know what I am supposed to do to combat stress: eat right, exercise, and relax. All things that sound like great ideas; I just don’t have the means to do that. No time to go every week to the grocery store to by organic, perishable, expensive food that makes my body happy. I do have 3 minutes and 2 hot sauce packets from Taco Bell to make some delectable and sodium saturated ramen or mac and cheese. Finding the motivation to go swim or walk all the way to the rec center in these subzero temperatures (we’re talking Celsius right now) is extremely hard. I would love to swim every day and go to the rec every so often, ride my bike around; I’m even considering taking up running when it gets warmer, God help me. But the time to that just does not fit in my schedule. I have time right before I go to bed, which is around 1:30 or 2. Surprisingly, most gyms aren’t open at that time. 

Going along with the absolute lack of time in my schedule, I have no time to relax! That’s probably the reason I am stressed out in the first place! I get frustrated or upset because I have so much to do and so little time, and Health Promotions is telling me to take time out of my day to meditate. Where the heck am I going to do that once I am out and about for the day? In the middle of an Einstein Bros. café? I think not.

Yesterday, though, I was stressed. That migraine between my eyes I was talking about? That was an ever present force in my day for the entire time I was out. Every so often I would force my eyebrows to relax, to unscrunch themselves, so I could try and massage it out. Did not work one bit. I felt like I was on Death’s door, and probably looked it, too. So I decided to do something I really hadn’t done since the first or second week of this semester: I went for a swim.

It was magical. I already love swimming, but to do that mindless exercise for half an hour was beautiful. I was thinking about nothing-calculus was far from my thoughts (okay, it might have come up once or twice. I can’t escape, but do you blame me?). I love water. I already know this; I used to play water polo, I was a lifeguard. It never fails to elate me, just jumping in the water and floating around. The only better sensation is the bone-deep tired I felt once I was done. I had treated my stress to the best of my abilities, and when I came back to the dorm, I continued with this treatment. I read a couple of chapters of Packing for Mars by Mary Roach. Then, while reading I took a little nap. Worth it.

Concept: Me in an apartment with 2 cats, a low stress job, getting enough sleep
I don’t have a lot of time, but if I have time to be stressed, I’ll have to make time to release the stress. I found a decent way to do so. It might not be the most time efficient, but I count what hours I can get to myself as best I can.


Do you have a great way to relief stress? It could be something as silly as sitting on Facebook and watching funny cat videos, or as introspective as mediation. Please share!